Self-Compassion is in Fashion

Can you think of a time when you were super critical, ashamed, or even unforgiving of yourself for doing something you were not proud of? I think the answer is yes, because we all experience moments of shame, regret, or guilt, and as the saying goes, "We are our own harshest critics." I find this to be true in my own shortcomings and flaws.

In your mind, try to take yourself back to one of those circumstances, whether it was a long time ago or a more recent incident, and think about what thoughts or words or emotions moved through you, or maybe stayed with you.

If you're like me, then your mind may have gone to a place of self-doubt, failure, or a sense of hopelessness. Take a moment to re-visit how those thoughts and emotions made you feel... let those feelings come and go. Now, take a few deep breaths. Let's reassess how we could have handled the situation with more kindness, compassion, and love for ourselves.

Instead of the negative self-talk, we should try to re-frame our train of thought to a more gentle, forgiving, compassionate view of ourselves. Everyone makes mistakes. We've all done or said something we wish we could take back. Sometimes we make decisions impulsively, not thinking about the consequences, then later realize it was not the best choice. It's a better approach to learn from our mistakes rather than beat ourselves up over them.

So, next time you get caught up in a negative thought cycle because of a flaw, try using these tools to invite in more compassion, openness, and understanding toward yourself:

1. When you realize you're having negative thoughts or feelings, take a pause. Name the emotion you're feeling- shame, fear, anger, sadness, whatever it is- and just take note of that feeling. You don't need to repress it, simply just take inventory of that named emotion. Recognizing the emotion alone can already help you reduce whatever it is you're feeling.

2. Take a moment to just sit with that emotion. Bring awareness to it. No judgments, no criticisms, just awareness. It's ok to feel sad, or ashamed, or fearful. We all experience difficult emotions at times, and they need to be acknowledged as much as the joyful feelings. Take a minute or two to bring that awareness to your breath, finding some deep, controlled inhales and exhales. This will help to ease your mind and body.

3. Welcome in compassion, love, acceptance, peace, and truth for who you are and all the amazing things you've done and obstacles you've overcome! I also encourage saying something kind to yourself, like, "I am love. I am beauiful. I am whole."

When we start thinking and talking to ourselves in a more soft, warm, friendly, and supportive way, we can make huge shifts in how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. Let's all strive to be inner coaches vs. inner-critics, and our lives will start to see the benefits of self-compassion!